Stopping the Cycle of Same-Sex Domestic Violence

By Officer Scott Oak, Missoula Police Department – 02/01/06

Too many people continue to believe that domestic violence is a private matter between a couple, rather than a criminal offense that merits a strong and swift response. Even today, the victim of a domestic assault runs the risk of being asked, "What did you do to make your partner angry?" This question implies the victim is to blame for this abuse.

Even when cases are brought, domestic crimes are difficult to prosecute. All too often victims are so terrorized that they fear for their lives if they call the police. Silence is the batterer's best friend. We have to end the silence and change our attitudes toward domestic violence.

Many people think violent relationships only happen between men and women; but it can happen to anyone—gay or straight, young or old, rich or poor, female or male. It happens to people of all races and in all cultures of the world.

Domestic violence in the GLBTI community is a serious issue. The rates of domestic violence in same-gender relationships are roughly the same as domestic violence against heterosexual women (25%). As in opposite-gendered couples, the problem is likely underreported. In many ways, domestic violence in GLBTI relationships is the same as in straight relationships: Physical and sexual abuse, emotional and verbal
abuse, isolation, threats and intimidation. An additional form of emotional abuse for someone who is GLBTI may be to “out” them at work or to family or friends.

Tough new laws are one way to reduce domestic violence.  Unfortunately for us in Montana, our domestic violence laws don’t include GLBTI relationships. Our Montana
Code Annotated (MCA) statute is titled, “Partner or Family Member Assault”. By MCA definition, a partner means spouses, former spouses, persons who have a child in common, and persons who have been or are currently in a dating or ongoing intimate relationship with a person of the opposite sex. For our own protection and safety, we need to continue to work hard to have the Montana Legislature include GLBTI relationships within this statute. For information about the Montana Legislature, visit
www.leg.state.mt.us.

There are ways for each of us to stop the cycle of violence:

1. Call the police if you see or hear evidence of domestic violence;
2. Take action personally against domestic violence when a neighbor, a co-worker, a friend, or a family member is involved or being abused;
3. Speak out publicly against domestic violence; and
4. Reach out to support someone whom you believe is a victim of domestic violence and/or talk with a person you believe is being abusive.

Every person in an abusive relationship needs a safety plan. Safety plans should be individualized, but still contain common elements:

1. Think about all possible escape routes;
   
2. Choose a safe place to go;
   
3. Try to start an individual savings account;
   
4. Pack a survival kit. (Extra money, a change of clothes, extra house and car keys, birth certificates, passports, medications and copies of prescriptions, insurance information, checkbook, credit cards, and legal documents as protection orders); and
   
5. Remember, nobody deserves to be in an abusive situation. Get help and get out.

If you would like more information about domestic violence or how to stop the cycle, please contact your Missoula Police Department. Stay Safe!

Article from: Missoula Gayzette, February 2006.